The obvious would be to start from the beginning, but unfortunately that’s not possible, because, as I’m sure is true for most emetophobia sufferers, i have absolutely no idea when or why this all began. I suppose if we all knew that, our wires could be nursed back to full health. With absolutely no intention to offend anyone, i look at my emetophobia as part of my brain being a little poorly, sick (ironic).

Thinking back to as far as my memory will allow, I can’t really remember a time when i wasn’t scared of sick in some shape or form. I can recall times in primary school when people would mention feeling sick, or seeing the tell tale sand piles in the play ground where teachers had attempted to cover up someone’s 'mess' and avoiding it - and them, like the plague. However, I can’t pin point the day i became genuinely terrified, but i can definitely say for certain that my phobia is getting progressively worse, but also in some ways getting better and controllable as a result of personal determination and encouragement from my family. Looking back now (and when in sixth form at school, with many free periods, and in some respect a far more flexible time table) I have absolutely no idea how i managed to attend school from 8.40-3.15 until the end of year 11 daily with no fear of not being able to escape. The thought of being trapped in a situation terrifies me now, but didn’t at the time, so maybe being able to leave, and drive home (my car now playing a huge refuge for me) did no favors for my phobia.

There are so many aspects and different pathways to my emetophobia that it would be far too long winded and boring to list every single trigger and fear i have in a single post, so I’m planning a daily (pffttt, not sure how long i can keep that up for) update of the struggles I have throughout the day in an attempt to pin point everything that set my emetophobia off into a crazed rampage. Shan’t lie, daily updates will probably be a little tedious but we shall see.

Today was actually a good day, despite the situations I was in. popped along to earls court today for a cheeky visit to graduate fashion week. Feeling really apprehensive about the trip as the friend I was going with is completely oblivious to my fear, hearing nothing more about it from me other than the odd ‘you know I have a big phobia of sick’. Defiantly was in no mood to go into a lengthy chat about it to yet another person who has no idea what you’re going on about, and probably even less interest in the subject matter, I did what I always do and told myself to ‘pull myself together’ and get on with it. Now, I get the hour long train to London 3 times a week to get to university- no biggy- but today I was with a friend, therefore, I was not able to put my ipod in and completely switch off with absolutely nothing and nobody to worry about than myself. (I feel huge pressure and discomfort when with people, in case I get ill as I’m not only scared to tell them as I find being ill embarrassing, but as I also feel I’m ruining and cutting short their day.) but things actually went swimmingly. A few crazy thoughts crossed my mind, for example, when eating a free ice cream they were handing out a sudden ‘oh my god, what if every single one of these ice creams are purposefully ‘poisoned’ with something to make everyone in here ill’…and then the real me abruptly snapped me out of this with the whole……’why the fuck would a huge well known manufacturer do that, knowing full well that their business would sure go bust, and my belly took over and allowed me to enjoy the very delicious ice cream. Today was good, feeling optimistic and in control of my emet, but we shall see what tomorrow has to offer :)

Me, Myself and life with emetophobia

As I'm sure you can see from the title of my blog, I have emetophobia.
My name is Lily, and I am 19 years old. I live in Kent, in England, an am currently a couple of weeks off from finishing my first year of my degree in fashion design and surface textiles at London College of fashion. I am far from being a self proclaimed blogger, and quite frankly am a little clueless as to how this all works, but after stumbling across other blogs on emetophobia, I thought I’d have a go at making my own- not much guarantee that it'll go further than one or two posts before I give up.
There’s no doubt in my mind, that some of this information to those with the same 'problem' as me will be boring and repetitive, and probably everything that you've heard before, but this is an attempt to document all of my thoughts and feelings on the situation for myself, as a way to see my progression.. Or regression as the case may be. I do not claim to have any medical or accurate knowledge of the phobia, despite having had it for years, I know very little about it, but what I do know is how it makes me feel. I plan to use this blog as a ‘personal diary’, not a place to blurt out fact and figures but as a place to (shall we say) release the thoughts in my head when panic arises. I simply thought that by doing it in a way that others could see, they may find comfort in the fact that some people really do understand exactly how you feel.